There was the time when I seemed to suffer from a lot of theft. I was in the early stages of “career building.” That meant I didn’t make much money. That meant I got to live in areas with higher crime.
Coincidentally, the higher crime areas I lived in happened to be contained in the northeastern part of the United States. That meant that it got colder, and occasionally the white curse would fall from the sky. The white curse would pile up on roadways, making them slippery and difficult to drive on. Various governmental agencies were called upon to deal with this problem.
They did so in a variety of ways. One of the methods was to equip large trucks with big metal things on the front. These vehicles would then drive about on the road, pushing the accumulating white curse to the side. Of course, they could not remove all of it, and what was left was incredibly slippery. And dangerous. Geniuses were consulted.
The geniuses proclaimed that if salt, sodium chloride, was combined with the frozen water in the white curse, it would lower the freezing temperature, causing the stuff to turn to salty water. It would run away. Turns out that if the mixture is about 20% NaCl to water, the freezing point drops to around 2 degrees F. It also kills roadside plants, and causes vehicles to rust out faster. All good.
But the geniuses weren’t through. They pointed out that another type of salt, calcium chloride had an interesting property. This CaCl2 actually releases energy when in contact with water. So it heats the white curse, and causes it to melt even faster. It has the added advantage of being much more corrosive than NaCl.
So the roads get cleaner faster, and you can practically watch the vehicles dissolve before your eyes.
The first year I was subjected to this I didn’t ride outside much. Instead I got fat, and way out of shape. The second winter I destroyed a fairly nice bicycle. I did this by riding outside a lot, and then being too stinkin’ frozen to clean it much.
By the time Spring arrived, my bike’s components were shot, and the frame had a serious (and dangerous) cancer. In short, the bike was unridable. I was not happy. I needed to dispose of the soon-to-be wreckage. And I needed another bike, which I could not really afford.
I took care of the first problem by locking the bike to the rack at my apartment complex. It was gone in a few days.
I scraped and scrimped and bought another fairly good bike. It was stolen. And Winter was coming. That was when I hit on a plan. I searched around and found a fairly low end, used road bike. I salvaged what I could, replaced what I had to, filled the frame with anti-corrosive gunk, and embarked on the joys of winter riding.
By Spring I had saved enough to purchase a nice bike. (Which I kept indoors.)
During all this time, I’d lost several car batteries, had the wheels removed from my car while I slept, had several radios removed from the car, and lost other articles to the “invisible takers.” Disposing of my now thoroughly trashed “winter bike” was simple. I left it outside by my apartment door. (This time I didn’t bother with a lock.) The free unwanted stuff removal service worked just fine. The wreck left in less than a week.
But I had a new and different problem. My new bike left too.
I was keeping it inside with me. But I had to take it outside to use it. I dutifully locked it up every time I got off of it somewhere. On one of those occasions, I came out of the grocery store and found my bike gone. The lock and chain were gone too.
After much personal sacrifice, I purchased another bike, a tougher lock, and a heavier chain. This one lasted a bit more than a week. I’d entered a tavern on a warm day. I had one beer, and came out to find I was a pedestrian again.
I put together a “beater bike.” It left too. This was getting old.
A Harley riding friend of mine gave me an idea.
I went to a gun show and purchased a well used holster, suitable for carrying a very large handgun. When next I had a bike, I hung the holster on it. Empty. I never locked the bike. It never left me.
The theory was, any would be free-lance socialist who saw the bike would have to think, “Hmm. This bike has a large gun holster on it. But there is no gun. The owner must be carrying it. That means, if he happens to come by while I am in the process of liberating this bicycle, I will surely end up with my ass shot off. I think I’ll go look for a different, and less dangerous thing to take.”
Brothers and Sisters, I do not miss those days, and I do not miss living in the North.
The Great and Weird Road Dragon Bike Contest
Contest Question #16) Why should you get one of the giveaway bikes in this contest?
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