Friday Follies ~~ Things I’ve learned on a Bike

The following are lessons, from the minute to the profound, in no particular order.

• You’re never lost, unless you give up.
• Getting lost is the way to find all kinds of neat stuff.  It’s just hard to find it again.
• Pain is a state of mind.
• It’s easier to laugh than to complain.
• Always carry extra cash.
• Never ask a convenience store clerk for directions.
• Firemen and letter carriers are good sources for local directions.
• There is no such thing as a tail wind.
• The driver of the car is usually wrong, but the car is always bigger.
• All roads are mostly uphill.
• On any closed course, it’s uphill and against the wind, all the way ‘round, in both directions.
• If there is a one lane bridge on the road, you, a following car, and an approaching truck will all get there at the same time.
• Running stop lights and signs is stupid and will get you killed.
• Most dogs are friendly.  But carry dog biscuits, they work better than pepper spray, or anything else.
• Walking, though embarrassing, is always an option.
• On a ride, almost any problem can be fixed by continuing to pedal.
• Ride long enough and everything happens to you, good or bad.
• Form follows function.  Or, ugly and working beats pretty and not.
• You don’t always know whether things are bad or good.  (Some of the best rides I’ve ever had, were some of the worst.)
• There is no such thing as being too visible.
• If the situation feels wrong, then it is wrong.  Get out of there.  Now!
• Crashes are easy to cause, and easier to avoid than to live through.
• It’s good to ride with someone who is crazier than you are.  You learn fascinating things that way.  (But you probably shouldn’t make a habit of it.)
• The inventor of energy bars had a sick and twisted sense of humor.
• Never pass up a chance to pee, or to fill your water bottles.
• A cyclist can always go another ten miles. 
• Don’t remember if you charged your lights?  If it’s getting dark, and you are a long way from home…  You didn’t!
• Bikes are easy to fix, and easier to mess up.
• Bikes like to be ridden.  A hanging bike goes out of tune faster than one that is ridden frequently.
• For fun, a lousy bike beats a great car.
• Arguing with motorists is a waste of time, and bad public relations.
• A bad day on the bike beats a great day in the office.
• “Because the Pros do…” is probably bad advice, if you aren’t one.
• Anyone will happily give a lost cyclist bad directions.
• All lost motorists assume that cyclists must know the way.  Try to look like you really know what you are talking about when you misdirect them.
• Never accept a ride from a beautiful woman in a pickup truck.
• Free food is usually poisonous.
• Road kill can be slippery.
• Squirrels (the rodent kind) are all kamikazis.
• A mountain bike is a good way to get into trouble farther from help.
• Never drop the Ride Leader.
• Cyclists are bigger liars than fishermen or golfers.
• Everyone who has ever raced BMX, was once the “state champion.”
• The older I get, the faster I was.