Friday, July 27, 2012

Friday Follies ~~ The Weirdest Build Ever


I was young.  I didn’t have a lot of money.  I should have been wearing a big sign that would have said,  Will work for bike parts.  In fact, I was working part time for two different bike shops, for just about that reason.  (Don’t think that didn’t create a bit of friction from time to time!)

I had a new “build” in mind.  I was collecting parts for the project.  I had several boxes and crates full of bike parts in my old clunker of a car.  Some of these things were from other projects.  Some were “saves” from bikes I’d torn down.  There were new parts that were intended to go on the upcoming “bike of all dreams.”  There were new parts that I’d acquired with a mind to using them on something in the not-yet-foreseeable-future.  In addition to the parts, I almost always had a certain amount of bicycle riding stuff (shorts, jerseys, jackets, shoes, etc.) with me.  I also had my all-purpose tool box along.

I had, just the day before, acquired a frame that I intended to use to build up a dedicated training rig.

As I’ve often mentioned before, I lived in the Virginia mountains at that time of my life.  Also, during that particular historical epoch, that region of the country was more remote than it now is, and it contained areas that were even more remote than others.

On the day in question, I was en route between a very small town in West Virginia, and the largish small Virginia town where I lived.  The weather was not great, but it wasn’t terrible.  It was sort of Winterish, late-Fall, with the thermometer dropping.  Nobody in my circle of family, friends, and acquaintances knew where I was.

I had chosen a route more for expediency than speed.  In other words, I was on some not heavily traveled back country roads.  Some of these still have not seen pavement to this day.

The old clunker started running roughly.  It got worse.  It died.

Cars were somewhat simpler in those days.  Making an engine run isn’t all that hard.  Remember the “Fire Triangle”?  Oxygen.  Fuel.  Heat.  Cars use a fire in the cylinders to make the power that moves them.  The old thing about the Fire Triangle is that, “If you remove any one of the three sides, you don’t get a fire.  My car had apparently suffered a triangular removal.

I was breathing, so I could presume that oxygen was present.  The gauge said I had gas, and I filled up before I left on this journey.  The started wouldn’t turn.

Electricty is the stuff that cars use to make the heat.  My car could be having starter problems, or…

A couple of quick checks confirmed that my battery was pretty well flat.  Another test confirmed my worst suspicion.  The generator had failed.  Again.  Stuck.

I might see another car sometime in the next eight hours.  Or it might be a couple of days.  I was (by conservative estimate) at least 20 miles from the nearest outpost of civilization.  Worse, I really really needed to be home on that night.

I was rooting around aimlessly amid the clutter in the car, kind of hoping for something that would solve the car problem… remains of another generator, spare battery, magic, something! …when the idea started to form.

I spread a blanket on the ground and started arranging things on it.  Yes!  It wouldn’t be elegant, but it could be done.

About two hours later I had a working bicycle.  It was the sorriest mish-mash hob-cobble of miss-matched parts.  It had only one brake, two different wheel sizes, and about 2/3 of a functional driveline. The handlebar was an ugly thing from an old cruiser.  The non-aero drop bar brake levers didn’t fit well, and were not in a good position.  The tires were mismatched and of questionable provenance.  The saddle was also from that old cruiser, but it gave me something to rest butt upon.  The bottom bracket was loose, and the cranks were two different lengths.  Of course the pedals didn’t match either.  The headset (carefully installed by hammer and woodblock) had an ugly clunk to it, but it was rideable.

I gathered tools, copious spares, and sundries, stuffed them in a backpack, locked up the car, and took off.

The 30+ mile journey to home was not one of the more glorious things I’ve ever undertaken.  There was a major mountain along the way.  I had to push the bike up the steeper parts, and the descent (by all rights) should have killed me.   (Had there been any other traffic on that road, it probably would have.)  But it worked!

A bit more than four hours after I set out, just before darkness slammed down, I arrived home, tired, but triumphant.  Home!  Where there was a real bicycle, food, warmth, shelter.

Post Script:
About two days after my (mis)adventure, I set out once again by bike.  This time I was riding the real bicycle.  I had with me a brand new generator for my 1960 Ford. Said part must have weighed something like 300 pounds, and probably would have been suitable (but for it’s incredible unreliability) to be mounted in one of Virginia Power & Light’s major power plants.  After a grueling trip over the mountain, and three hours cursing under and over the car, I had successfully removed the old generator and replaced it.  I then managed to strain the car onto the road and get it coasting along at a good clip…  backwards and down hill.  Key to ON!  Transmission into reverse!  And the engine coughed, caught, and… RAN!

Believe me folks, there are advantages to the day and age we now live in.

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