Friday Follies ~~ Lost & Broken

The phrase “Competitive Cyclist,” is redundant.

On any ride with five or more riders, no matter how relaxed and “friendly” the pace, at least one of them will be “attacking” at all times.  This will usually be the rider with the least knowledge of the intended route.

That brings up an interesting point…

It seems that a rider can be either fast, or a good navigator, but not both.  On the other hand, the rider at the back probably doesn’t know where he’s going either.

Bikes break down.  It happens.  When you do, you either fix it or walk.

If another rider offers to help you with your “mechanical,” you should carefully evaluate his bike.  If it is new, shiny, and working beautifully, he may not know what he’s doing.

How to evaluate a rider’s mechanical skill:

• Look at the bikes of the riders around you. 
• If it’s brand new, it doesn’t tell you much.
• If it’s mostly new, dirty, and not working well, do not let this rider touch your bike!
• If it’s older, but clean, and it works well, this rider might be fairly knowledgeable.  (Or not.)
• If it’s really old, and crusty, and creaky, but it works, do not let this rider touch your bike.  (The owner of that antique rattle trap knows how to keep it going.  That doesn’t mean they know beans about anything much newer.)

A good general rule for avoiding high repair costs:

If you are suffering from a “mild” mechanical, one that is annoying, but does not stop your bike, then do not accept mechanical help from another rider.  (Unless you happen to know that this rider earns a paycheck working on bikes.)  Instead, finish the ride, or cut it short, and have the shop fix your problem.  In this way, the shop will only have to fix your problem, not the three induced by the “Bad Samaritan.”

Some riders, by their mere presence, cause bikes to work poorly.  I don’t understand this, but it’s true.

Your bike will never be perfect.  There is a fair amount of imprecision built into bicycles, and they require some knowledge and finesse from the rider to work well.  Your bike may be one that always has a little, annoying “glitch” in the shifting.  Both you and your mechanic work on it.  It can be improved for a time, but it returns regularly.  You’ve never had this problem on any other bike.  Then, all at once, after several years of frustration, comes a fine sunny day.  You are feeling good, and the bike, for a wonder, is working beautifully.  Enjoy this.  Then you might as wel take it to the shop and order a complete new drive train.  It’s about to break down totally.

Always remember,

• “The perversity of the inanimate objects tend to increase.”
• “Universe tends toward a maximum.”
• “At all times, perversity is conserved.  It can not be diminished, divided, or decreased.  It can only be transferred to other objects.”

The “perfect” cue sheet contains at least one, virtually undetectable, major error.

Remember, GPS devices depend on software.  (Right!  The same stuff that was developed by the “geniuses” who write that crap for your computer.)

GPS devices depend on batteries.  Batteries are inanimate objects.

One of the most insidious features of GPS devices.  They know where you are, and they know where you started from.  That gives them the ability to quit when you are most lost and farthest from your destination.

This will usually be in a location that is completely free of cell phone coverage.

And your phone batteries will join in the fun by failing as soon as you do have coverage.

Always have a backup plan.  It won’t work, but it gives you a nice sense of security.

The absolute best medicine for dealing with mechanicals and getting lost, is a smile and a joke.