Another New Voice

I’d like to introduce a new member of the cast.  The story of how I met this individual is a bit long, and can be recounted elsewhere, at a more auspicious moment.  The short version goes like this.  Johann and I were out riding on a dark and moonless night.  We met a starship pilot.  That’s right, a flying saucer, visitor from another star system.  His name, as best as I can render it, is Blxngrff T’grangk.  (If you think the spelling is weird, you ought to hear it pronounced!)  We call him “Bill the Alien.”  It’s easier.

Now here is the first cool part of this.  Bill the Alien looks just like normal Terrestrial humans.  I don’t know if this is clever disguise, or the result of some sci-fi magic hypnosis-ray, or if humans are spread throughout the galaxy, or even if it’s a case of “parallel evolution.”  And Bill the Alien is silent on the question.  But believe me, he looks just as “human” as anyone else you’ve ever met.

The second cool part of the story is that Bill the Alien is a cyclist!  What’s more, he rides often with other cyclists here on Earth.  I’ll let him tell you about it now.

Greetings Earthlings!  This is Blxngrff T’grangk, or “Bill the Alien,” speaking.  Take me to your leader!  Just kidding.  I’ve always wanted to say that.

Before I go any farther, I should note, for those of you who are interested in grammar and diction, my name is properly rendered with a prolateral at the surname, and there should be a double-blat after the grax.  But you don’t have the type faces for this, and Road Dragon did the best he could.

It’s fun being here on Earth.  Your science fiction got an amazing amount of things right, and an equally amazing amount of them wrong.  For instance, as Road Dragon has already mentioned, my people are not green tentacled, bug-eyed monsters.  And we aren’t interested in eating you.  I don’t have a rocket ship or a ray gun, and I’ve never seen a babe in a brass bra.  (Although I must admit, many of your Earth women are definitely babes!)  Also, just to set the record straight, my starship is not a “fling saucer.”  In fact it looks much like a cross between one of your Piper Cubs and a new Chevy Corvette, only somewhat larger than either of them.  But I digress.  This is a blog about bicycles and cycling.  So I will stay on message.

Imagine my delight when I discovered that there are actually bicycles and bicycle riding here on your Earth.  We are avid cyclists on my world.  More, you have absolutely amazing bicycles.  Yours are far more advanced than ours.  I have learned so much.  I can hardly wait to return home with some of the innovations you have.  I am going to be one wealthy alien, and my academic career is bound to be one of historic proportions.

Do you find those statements odd?  If you simply reflect on them a moment, you will realize that they aren’t.  Technologies do not develop in the same way.  You know this from your own histories.  Let me give you two examples.  We never developed the internal combustion engine.  We don’t have much fossil fuel on our world.  We only recently coined a technical term for it.  The more common term translates roughly as, “the nasty black stuff that oozes from the ground and stinks.”  We do find it useful for certain chemical processes, but the thought of burning the stuff, honestly never occurred to us.

We did invent the bicycle fairly early on in our history.  It is one of the mainstays of our transportation and recreation.  Of course it helps that our world does not have many hills, and our climate is quite temperate.  Unlike you we do not have an axial tilt to our planet, so we don’t have seasons.  We go north or south to visit them, but they are permanent.  Our weather is also entirely predictable.

And that brings up another interesting innovation of yours.  We do not have clothing to protect us from the weather when we ride.  Honest, the thought never crossed our minds.  With that one innovation, we could ride in much larger areas of the planet.  Now that is cool!

We do have mechanized transportation.  In some ways it is more dangerous than your automobiles.  In other ways it is safer.  It evens out.  We control the operation of our engine vehicles very tightly.  After all, they could wreak havoc with our riding.  We will not tolerate that.

I find it amazing that you venture out onto roadways along side of your powerful, and dangerous engine vehicles.

There is a lot here that I do not fully understand.  Take one example.  When I look at how you Earthlings act as pedestrians, as cyclists, and as engine drivers, I am amazed that you have not yet killed off half of your population.  It completely defies statistical analysis!

There is a lot more I could say, and I will in future postings.  My new friends, Road Dragon, and Johann have requested that I write up my observations and comment from time to time.  I will be happy to do this.

So, my friends, to borrow a phrase,  “Live long and prosper.”  This is Bill the Alien, signing off.