Comments on the “Unnatural Laws”

Last Tuesday, I posted a bit on the “Unnatural Laws” of cycling.  I’ve had a few comments about it.  They sort of devolve into two groups.  Laughter, and  “Gee, that’s pretty pessimistic.”

Honest, I was trying for humor.  Sometimes life just isn’t worth living without a laugh or two along the way.  Besides, cycling can be a cruel sport.  There are those time when it certainly seems like the road is always uphill and into the wind.  These times make so much sweeter, the rare occasions when the roads all seem to be flat and smooth, and the wind is at one’s back.  Part of the trick is to learn to relish the challenges, and I think half that battle is learning to laugh at them.

And yes, anyone who has ridden a bike for very long has certainly experienced some of those odd phenomena.

A personal story,one almost worthy of a “Friday Follies”:  Some years ago I was riding a 400K brevet in central New York State.  (Don’t ask why, that’s a much longer story.)  The day was not an auspicious one.  Weather, mostly foul, got into the act. 

As we were all lined up in the early morning gloom, waiting the start, I noticed this one guy.  He was a bit older, and didn’t look like much.  He was on an old, extremely beat up steel Raleigh.  His cue sheet holder was improvised from a big paper clamp, tie-wraps, and duct tape.  He was wearing a pair of ratty high top tennis shoes, khaki work slacks, a flannel shirt, and a pair of generic work gloves.  His helmet was almost as old as the bike.

I remember thinking,  “You poor soul!  You have no idea what you’re getting into.”

At the start, I surged ahead with a pack of riders, and the old guy was left behind.  He rumbled into the first Controle’ just as I was leaving.

The cold rain, just a degree above freezing, started in earnest on the next leg.  And the old guy clattered into the second Controle’ shortly after I had arrived there.  I was pretty impressed.  He caught up with me again, before we hit the third Controle’, and he rode along with me for quite a way.  I couldn’t shake him.

Eventually, the old guy, on the old beater bike left me behind.  I later learned that he was a legend in the local rando club.  He always took their annual “Mile Master” award.  What can one do but marvel and laugh?

(In)Glorious Commuting

With the coming of darkness (Standard Time), and the schedule changes that go with it (instructing an evening Spin Class), I find that my cycle commuting is a bit more challenging.  This is something I have to re-work every year.  Those Tuesday and Thursday evening classes end at about 7:00 P.M.  That means, by the time I change and ride home (in the dark) it’s close to 8:30.  That’s a bit late.  Confession time.  On Spin Class days, I often don’t commute by bike.

So I have a pretty strong incentive to ride on days that I can do so fairly easily.  But there are other challenges.

This past Friday would have been a good day (from a schedule standpoint) to ride to work.  But it was going to be cold.

I tried, brethren.  I tried.  But Friday morning dawned evil chilly, and my heart just wasn’t in it.  So I drove to work instead.

It takes time, and the gathering of mental fortitude to face elements.  I need some time to marshal internal resources, before I face cold weather.  I greatly prefer years when the cold comes to us gradually.  Not the case this year.

So on Saturday, when it was even colder…  Yes I did!  I prepared Friday evening, had my cold weather gear all laid out.

Of course the Saturday morning preparations went a bit more slowly than they should have done.  I’m out of practice.  But I did get geared up and out I went.

{Please note the irony here.  I skipped Friday, with a low of 35, to ride in on Saturday, when it was significantly colder.}

I have a thermometer on my commuter bike.  It is not a rapid responding type device.  It takes a while for heat or cold to “soak” the computer and bring the reading on to an accurate indication of ambient temperature.

I’d stored the bike inside.  So it was indicating 65 degrees as I rolled it out.  By the time I hit the end of the (not long) driveway, the reading was 59.  As I rolled out of my neighborhood, just 0.4 miles later, it was showing 51.  It kept going down.  The readings bottomed out, as I crossed Gingercake Creek, just three miles from home, at 27 degrees.  Ouch!

From the low at Gingercake, the temp began to climb, slowly.  By the time I reached the shop, just at 9:15, I was seeing 41 degrees, and climbing.

Okay.  I’ve done it.  I’ve broken the ice, so to speak.  It’s time for Winter commuting, and I’m ready for it.

Who else has a commuting challenge story?

Friday Follies ~~ The “Kick”

I discovered I was an endurance athlete, quite by accident.  It sort of started in junior high school.

As a kid I wasn’t a great runner.  I have never had a lot of acceleration.  Most kid’s games are based on acceleration.  Tag.  Baseball.  Keep-away.  I wasn’t good at them.  A junior high school coach got me started on running distance.  (Don’t worry, this post is about cycling.  Just be patient.)

Distance running was a revelation to me.  I always had something left at the end of the race.  So?  You can beat me in the mile?  Let’s go for two.  You got me there too?  How about a 5K?  If the race was long enough, I would eventually win it, through sheer will power.  I’d found a talent.  I could suffer real good.

That “something” I always seemed to have at the end of a race got me into early conflict with coaches.  You see, I discovered that, as the race neared its end, I could summon up those reserves, and kick!  I could put on a burst of speed.  And it was a blast!  The endorphins would kick in, the pain would fall away, my legs would become engines, and I could fly!  It felt absolutely fantastic.

My coaches would point out (correctly), that if I still had that much left, I should have been running harder all along.  But I wouldn’t listen.  I wasn’t really there to win, I was doing it for the kick.

I didn’t manage to find the kick on a bicycle until after I discovered gears.  My old singlespeed, coaster brake, clunker just wouldn’t let me get going fast enough.  But, let me get on a geared bike, and I could always find a way to develop acceleration.  I could upshift, put more meat on the driveline, and GO!  Of course, that was an incorrect method too.  It took me a long time to learn to stop being a “masher,” and develop a spin.  But that kick, once I found it, was always there.

It was a big race.  The biggest I’d ever been in.  It was a grand and glorious day.  My club team knew that, on the bike, I was a sprinter.  I’d been a good boy and carried water for others throughout the season.  But this particular race played to my strengths.  The course was flat.  Or mostly so.  So we decided that, if there was a way, the rest of the team would work to put me in position for the finish.

The day worked excellently for me, and terribly for others.  To begin with, it rained.  Not a sprinkle or a shower, but honest to goodness rain!  Pouring.  With occasional bursts of deluge.  Add to that, the road surfaces ranged between not good, and awful.  Just my kind of racing.

Among my chief competitors, the two strongest guys got sick, and the number three was a no-show.  There were crashes.  I’m good with crashes.  I can (mostly) stay up, and ride over chaos.  There were mechanicals, but none for me.  It was a suffer-party of the first order.  Splendid!

The pack had thinned.  I was riding with two team mates, in a group of about 15 riders.  I was watching the others.  They looked tired.  They looked beatable.

We were less than two miles out from the line, and the group’s organization began to break up.  My team mates did what they could for me, but they were pretty well spent.  I left them, and surged forward with about five other riders.  This was it.  It was on here!

The last part of the course included a long downhill, with a vicious turn at the bottom and then about a 500 meter straight to the line.  I saw three riders ahead of me, and I kicked!  It worked.

That was the only time I ever won a bicycle road race.  I placed a couple of times, but honestly, a good kick wasn’t enough.  Truthfully, I didn’t have the talent, dedication, and the size to be truly competitive.  Everything had to come together, that once, and it did.

Thursday Thoughts: As Winter Approaches

The old Indian said, in regard to Daylight Saving Time,  “You cut a foot off of the top of the blanket, and sew it to the bottom of the blanket.  Only the government would think that makes a longer blanket.”  Just so.  Still we follow this ritual twice a year, and have just completed the Autumn edition.  Suddenly it’s getting dark earlier in the day, and just at a time when we are losing daylight to the advance of the season.

I have long been amazed at the regularity and precision of our north Georgia climate.  We have wet years and dry ones, cooler and warmer, but the seasons occur right on schedule.  I have lived and worked in many places.  I’m here to tell you that this seasonal regularity is not everywhere so constant.

As usual, mid-Autumn arrived right on schedule.  Temps have dropped, and the wind has picked up.  We can expect late-Autumn to arrive on or about Thanksgiving.

For cyclists, and other outdoors folk, attempting to figure out just what is coming next is always an entertaining challenge.  Rest assured, we all know that Winter is coming, but what kind of a Winter are we facing?

Usually, by this time of year, I have a pretty good notion of just what we are facing.  The long range forecasting and climatology folks are pretty good at what they do.  But the global climate state is a bit confusing right now.  Basically, it’s about even money, either we get a Winter similar to , and a bit harsher than last year, cold early, a good chance of snow events, and then an early warming.  Or, we go with a warmer and drier Winter.  All the big boys in the business are hedging their bets.

What does this mean to me?  It means that I don’t really know just what to prepare for.  So, by long standing policy, I’m getting ready for the worst.  I’m digging out all of the heavy cold and wet weather gear, and making sure the trainer and roller are working well.  If we get a rough one, the stationary devices can be life savers.

{Incidentally, here’s a neat trick.  Last year, when the weather was truly awful, I

{pulled the trainer out onto the porch.  I’d gear up for the cold part of the

{weather, but I could ride under shelter, and (mostly) out of the wind.  I was still

{outside, but not facing the total challenge.

So, as the Autumn leaves finish falling, I’m getting braced for the worst, and hoping for the best.  Cold weather clothing is in place.  Rain gear to hand and ready.  Good lights are in stock and tested.  Lot’s of lubricants and cleaning supplies on hand.  And I have a goodly number of indoor projects lined up.  It’s time to stiffen the resolve, and (figuratively) gird the loins.  Winter provides us with big challenges as we ride, but the rewards are great also.

By the way, here’s one last little bit of almost Folk Wisdom.  The week of Thanksgiving seems to be a pretty good model for the Winter.  Watch it and see.

The (Last Minute!) Spin Class Bike (Yike!)

So, it was a mad dash to get ready for vacation, and to get stuff prepared so that I could have a stand in instructor for the first week of class.  Then came the weekend, the return, the unpacking, the return to work on Saturday, the re-return to work on Monday, and the sudden realization that I was not ready to do Spin Class.

To be ready, I needed:

My lesson plans.  No problem.  Already in the bag, just need to print them out.

My trainer.  Just dig it out.  I’ve used it already this year, so that’s good.

Heart Rate Monitor.  Got it!  Need batteries!

A stop watch.  Yikes!  Where is it!?

A bike.  Oh smoldering sloth dung!  A bike!

You see, in the seven months since last year’s class ended, I’ve pretty well cannibalized the old spin class bike.  Bits and pieces have gone here and there, robbed for other projects, sold, traded.  You get the picture.

Here’s what it looked like yesterday morning.

Looking forlorn and bereft

So, scurry around.  Root in parts bins.  Buy a couple of things, and hastily put it all together.  Needed were, pedals, shifters, a rear derailler, cassette, a front wheel (just enough to keep the front of the bike up), a computer, a chain, cables, housing, tires (barely), and assembly.  I had most of the stuff, but needed to buy the chain, rear derailler, and computer.  Brakes weren't necessary, as this bike will never be ridden anywhere but the trainer.

And here she is!  This year’s incarnation of the Spin Class Bike!

Ready for a season of spinning

(By the way, Spin Class was great!)

The Unnatural Laws of Cycling

Fundamentals:

It can be scientifically determined that any closed loop, when ridden on a bicycle is uphill and against the wind, all the way around, in both directions.

If a road is flat, and two cyclists are riding on it at the same time, the following will be found to be true.

1. The riders are heading in opposite directions.
2. The riders are heading toward each other.
3. Both riders are climbing
4. Both riders are experiencing a headwind.
5. When the riders meet, two tractor trailer trucks, three SUVs, and a large motor home will all converge on that location, at exactly that moment, from both directions.

If a cyclist is riding alone on a road, eventually he will see another cyclist ahead of her.  When this occurs, the following will be found to be true in all cases.

1. The cyclist ahead will be riding an inferior machine, and will be in obviously much poorer physical condition.
2. It will prove impossible to overtake this leading rider. 

If a cyclist is riding alone on a road, eventually she will see another cyclist behind him.  When this occurs, the following will be found to be true in all cases.

1. The cyclist ahead will be riding an inferior machine, and will be in obviously much poorer physical condition.
2. It will prove to be impossible to stay ahead of this following rider.

Traffic Signals:

Traffic lights will always change to favor the motorist, and in such a way as to place the cyclist in the most dangerous and disadvantageous position possible.

Traffic lights will not recognize a waiting cyclist, no matter how many automotive vehicles are waiting on either side of the intersection, unless the rider is severely winded and desperately in need of breathing time.

A green light, at a totally empty intersection, will recognize an approaching cyclist and turn red.

The interval of change of a traffic signal is dependent on weather.  Lights change much more slowly in severe cold, heat, or when it’s raining.

Brakes:

Brakes will work perfectly, when not applied on a fast descent.

Brakes will fail, when applied on fast descents.

Brakes will work poorly in the rain, until just after reaching the oil slick.

The brakes that will hardly slow the bike, will lock up just at the beginning of the sprint.

There are two kinds of brakes, the ones that work splendidly and thus ruin your wheels, and the ones that preserve your wheels by not working at all.

The Italians are doing developmental work on a third kind of brake, one that doesn’t work, but still manages to ruin the wheel.

Tires:

Tires will flat at the bottom of the next hill.

Tires will flat in the rain.

Tires will not flat at home, unless it is just before a critical ride, and the rider is running late.  If the latter case obtains, tires will flat, tire levers will break, a spare will have a hole in it, and the pump will fail.

High end tires will fail quickly.  So will low end tires.

Systems meant to prevent flats (chemical goo inside the tires, belts, heavy duty tubes, etc.)  will attract bigger road hazards, and will flat anyway, while increasing the weight of the bike.

Your riding partner bought a set of new tire and achieved incredible results in handling, tread wear, flat resistance, and longevity.  You buy the exact same set of tires (at the new increased price) and they fail completely the day after the (now greatly reduced) warrantee expires.

Meanwhile, the 22 year old fat kid, riding a 15 year old set of dry rotted 27X1 ¼ inch beasts achieves outstanding results.

The other guy’s tires are always better.

New Bikes:

The bike that you weighed at the store, will be five pounds heavier after you purchased it.

You will struggle, diet, exercise, and train like a demon.  You will buy the most expensive, lightest wonderbike on the market.  After taking delivery of the bike, some combination (or all) of the following will happen:

1. An overweight 22 year old, on a 10 year old rattletrap will clean your clock, publicly.
2. Your chain will drop off to the inside, jamming your driveline and rear wheel, during the city limit sprint.
3. You will flat halfway through the first ride.  (see Tires)
4. You will crash (violently) if you attempt to race in the first two months of ownership.
5. Two months after taking delivery of your new bike, it will be obsolete, and ten pounds heavier.

Weight:

Your bike is always heavier than anyone else’s.

Your water weighs more than the other guy’s and you have to carry more of it.

If you attempt to reduce weight by leaving tools behind, you will immediately need them.  (The converse is not true.)

Light weight wheels are a joy.  They ride wonderfully.  But:

1. Light weight wheels are expensive.
2. Light weight wheels will not stay true.  (Neither will heavy ones.)
3. Light weight wheels will fail, early and often.
4. Save your light weight wheels for the races.  (That way, when they fail, you will have an excuse.)

The magic material in your new super light components will transmute to osmium one month after purchase.  Osmium has no special properties, it is just very dense, and therefore extremely heavy.

You and your prime competitor are the same body type and weight.  You decide to gain an advantage by becoming lighter.  It follows that:

1)   You will starve, diet, and train like a demon.  After months of privation and agony, you will lose five pounds.

2)   Your competitor will go on a “beer and bratts diet,” and will gain five pounds.

3)   He will still be lighter (and faster) than you are.

Light weight components and accessories are extremely expensive, fail more frequently, and become heavier with use.

The guy on the 45 pound tourist, with 25 pounds of crap in his panniers, is having more fun than you are.  (And he’s faster.)

All bikes weigh 50 pounds:

1. A 20 pound bike needs a 30 pound lock and chain.
2. A 30 pound bike needs a 20 pound lock and chain.
3. A 50 pound bike needs no lock and chain. 

Speed:

Speed kills.

Speed is the holy grail.

Don’t train, buy a faster bike!

Speed is fun.

You can’t buy speed.

Everyone else is always faster sometimes.  (That time is when you are trying to be faster than they are.)

You are always fastest when no one is looking.

You will be at your slowest in the race.

Conclusion:

If the above facts and laws of nature annoy, upset, or discourage you, you should seek a more pleasurable pastime than cycling.

Corollary:

Learn to love it.  There is no pastime more pleasurable than cycling!

Back in Town

Last week was a vacation week.  This post won’t have a lot of cycling in it, just some trivia, and one new project idea.  If the trivia bores you, please skip on down to the project.

I spent most of last week in my old hometown.  Staunton, Virginia is a quaint and friendly town.  It hasn’t changed a lot since my time there.  The local folks have made a serious pact to “Preserve, Renovate, and Restore,” the old buildings, as opposed to demolishing them.  Most of the buildings in the town are post Civil War.  There are good reasons for that.  A lot of the architecture is very special.  Some of the old homes look like they would make great sets for the Adams Family.  For some of them, you can just see Lurch, Morticia, and Wednesday up on the ramparts, cauldron of boiling oil at the ready.

This one is under restoration.  Is that Lurch in the turret window?

This is the old "Smith Castle."  Quite imposing, yes?

The old "Commandant's Residence.  The students at Mary Baldwin College have, very appropriately set up a Halloween Haunted House in this one.

Picture this one with a darker motif, and you can definitely see the theme.

Yes, I did a lot of riding while I was up there.  It was good to visit the old places, and great to climb the plentiful hills.  And yes there are hills.  Lots of hills.  Great big, long, and steep hills.

The above is a picture of my bike, propped against the sign at Staunton’s Reservoir Hill Park.  That is the highest point in town.  There is no way to approach it that does not involve pain and suffering.

It was a great trip, and I’m glad to be back home.

New Project:

Necessary Background:  On the return trip from Virginia, we stopped in Waynesville, North Carolina.  We got re-acquainted with our friends Janey and Jeff at the Mountain Creek Retreat Center B&B.  While there, I was telling Janey about one of my favorite little rituals.  I like to get up there in the late Winter, or very early Spring, and do some good mountain riding.  I have several superb routes in the area, some with incredible climbs and descents, all with spectacular views.

Janey was talking about upcoming themed weekends.

The two ideas just clicked.  So here it is…

Bike Weekend In the Smokies

Along about late February, or early March.

We stay in a comfortable B&B, http://www.mountaincreekbb.com/  with a bit fireplace, wonderful food, and a peaceful surrounding.  Breakfast is part of the price of lodging.  It’s located just outside of Waynesville, NC, and about 40 minutes from Asheville.  There are excellent restaurants and good shopping in both cities.  Waynesville is about a four hour drive from southern metro Atlanta.  The weather there, in Late Winter, is usually pretty favorable.

Let’s make it a long weekend, with great riding on each day.  Think about a moonrise night ride in the southern Smokies.  Think about epic climbs and spectacular descents, on lightly traveled rural roads.  Think about it.

This is the first time I’ve mentioned this one.  I’m interested in seeing what kind of interest there is.  If it intrigues you, please let me know.  You can do that by leaving a comment on this blog, or by contacting me at The.Road.Dragon@Gmail.com

This is just a preliminary offer.  You aren’t committing to anything yet.  But please do let me know if you are interested in joining the group.